I know it's been a while since I've posted, but I've honestly been avoiding touching my computer so I don't feel guilty about not doing stuff for school..... Sorry, not sorry.
Guilt, shame, overwhelming anxiety... All things a teacher feels during the summer, or so I assume. Hopefully that assumption is true so I'm not totally alone and crazy. We got an email last week or so that we are not allowed in our classrooms under any circumstances until August 1st. On the one hand, it's a blessing because I can enjoy summer a little longer. On the other, it gives my self-diagnosed anxiety room to FREAK OUT. I have pretty much nothing done for my classroom. It wasn't until the last week and a half or so that I actually bought anything for it. Which, by the way, is okay. I don't feel shame about spending my own money on my classroom, even if I do get a budget. There are some things I just like to buy myself, like decor and fun stuff that I don't want to have to give an explanation for on a P.O. (*Insert shrugging emoji here*).
There are still two days until I can go in my classroom and get to work, but I had my first meeting at my new school today to learn about their language workshop model. Tomorrow I have another meeting for the reading and writing workshop, and I'm actually really excited. I thought maybe going to these meetings would get me in the "school mood," but I'm still struggling to get back into it. I've got a to-do list a mile long, a thousand things to make with my Cameo, and a million things to plan for this year. Will I start it tonight? Probably not. Will I still get it done before back to school night? Yes. Yes, I will. I am a HORRIBLE procrastinator. What a hypocrite, right? If I were to be truthful when someone asks me my biggest weakness, I'd definitely say that I wait until the last minute for EVERYTHING. It is what it is. I do my best work under pressure!
The Instagram and teacher Facebook community can be brutal sometimes on a person's confidence. I know we hear it all the time as teachers, but your classroom doesn't have to be Pinterest worthy, but it also can be. I feel like there's a lot of shame around teachers and putting in all that effort in their classrooms. Yes, it's okay if you don't and you focus on the learning more. But just because my room is cute and I spent money and A LOT of time to make it look that way, that doesn't mean I'm not putting in just as much or more effort in the curriculum and content. As long as you're doing your best and teaching the students the way you know you're supposed to, you're doing it right. Teaching is NOT black and white. There are so many gray areas and they can be hard to navigate. My main goal as a teacher is just to make learning as fun as possible, while making sure my students are happy, loved, and safe. If my students leave my classroom a better person than they were when they came in, I've done my job.
If you're a teacher, it's okay to wait until you're on contract time to work on your room, or anything school-related. You aren't getting paid for your summer, no matter what non-education muggles think. Enjoy your time. If you wait until the first contract day to jump in head first, GO YOU. If you work all summer and do all the things on your to-do list (unicoooooorns, first of all), then KUDOS TO YOU, dude. It doesn't matter how you do it, just do it and LOVE your students. That's really all that matters.
-K :)
P.S. - Pray for me. It'll take all my procrastinating ridiculousness to get this shiz done. ;)
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