For some of my readers, you might know that my husband and I started dating in 7th grade. If you didn't know that... Now you do! In 7th grade, it's ridiculous to think that the boy you kiss in the small town movie theater for the first time may end up being your actual husband one day. The person you own pets with, buy adult things with (cars, trucks, motorcycles [eye roll], HOUSES), handle money and life changes with, and everything in between with. How could you possibly know who you want to do life with when you're 12 years old? You can't.
Coming from someone who DID marry their 'Middle School Sweetheart', listen. Hear me out. You cannot possibly know where your life is going to end up when you're 12 years old. I'd like to lie and say it was love at first sight that January day, but who am I kidding? It took me a very long time to see my husband as my "forever person" and I'm not ashamed of that.
When you're a kid, your future seems so far off. It's cliche, but it's true what grown-ups tell you about life flying by in the blink of an eye. I can still see that 12 year old Mississippi girl walking the halls of Liberty Middle School in small town Missouri. I can also still see that 13 year old boy, with the attitude of a middle schooler who knew he was SO COOL. If you asked me that day who I was going to marry, I'd probably say "Um, Zac Efron, duh" in a very Southern accent (kinda still wishing that was reality, tbh). But a lifetime later, here we are with one year of marriage under our belt, talking about starting a family, and happier than we've ever been.
Dakota and I fell hard and fast for each other. We dated off and on throughout middle school. Broke up over silly things (we were 12....), got back together in the worst ways, and treated each other like the dirt on the bottom of our shoes. I'll be the first person to tell you that we were not in a healthy "relationship" in middle school, or even high school honestly. But I'm not there yet! We made promises to each other, told each other 'I love you' before we even knew what the word "love" meant, and made stupid mistakes that I still wouldn't change.
When high school rolled around, we saw other people and were in semi-serious relationships. As serious as high school gets, anyway. I dated a boy who I thought I loved and he dated girls he probably thought he loved, too. Come to find out, we were both wrong. The summer before Junior year, I was recovering from said boy I thought I loved and a tumultuous relationship that never should have happened, but there he was. My knight in shining armor, the mac to my cheese, the love I'd always known, and the person I knew would be my forever. HA. I'd like to say that now, but honestly I was still young and stupid, and so was Dakota. We had a fun summer, and decided to give this serious relationship thing a try when the school year started up. We were 16. That was 8 years ago, and we have n e v e r looked back. At 16-18, we did stupid things, treated each other poorly (much like middle school), and made mistakes most teenagers make, but we still came back stronger than ever.
While most teenagers in our podunk town went out and partied every weekend, we opted for movie nights and backroading with the windows down (no drinking involved). While some decided drinking and driving would be a fun hobby, we sat at home with my dogs and played games with our friends. Academics were huge for me, and I would never do something to ruin my reputation or my future, or let's be quite honest...do something to upset the parents that couldn't have cared less. Dakota was the only constant in my life during those high school years. I had great people in my life, don't get me wrong. Friends who are now family, coaches and teachers who made me the person I am, and the families of good friends who knew I didn't have the guidance I was supposed to have as a 15-16 year old girl. People always have it worse, but that doesn't make it okay. Dakota was the ONE person who I could ALWAYS count on, even if we were fighting, 'broken up' (we never really were), hated each other, or just on the outs, I could call and he would be there. I lived pretty much alone the last two years of high school, but my future husband was always there. He made sure I was safe, he took care of my car and the lawn, and killed the snakes that happened into the house (yes, that was a thing). Can I be really candid for a second? I would have become a MUCH different person if I didn't have that constant, safe harbor - Dakota. I was set up to fail, given all the freedom needed to become a party girl. But I was better than that, and Dakota helped me to see that.
We went off to college and moved in together after my first year in the dorms. Horrible, horrible experience, by the way. The first time I knew I wanted to marry Dakota was probably during those months in the dorms. Of course I'd thought about it before and wore my promise ring proudly during high school, but it was never a concrete, "I'm going to marry that boy, I just know it" until we had moved out on our own. I had toxic family members that told me we weren't meant to be, and even talked about it behind my back to my friends (or so I thought they were, anyway). I had doubts because of those conversations, but it was never up to me. Our path had to have been set for us, because I can't come up with any other explanation as to why I deserve a man as inherently good, selfless, and kind as Dakota. I can barely come up with a time that Dakota has not put others before himself, especially me, and done without or not gotten something he wanted because someone else needed or wanted something. I will be the first wife to tell you that I am as s p o i l e d as it gets. I hope he's not reading this, because I wouldn't admit that to him! ;) That's beside the point, though. What I'm trying to say is that my husband is one of a kind, the perfect match to my complicated puzzle piece, and the literal embodiment of heart. I could go on about him and our life forever, but I'll end by telling you about how I was ready, and he. was. not.
The second year we lived together, we were in a tiny apartment, alone for the first time because a friend had lived with us the first year-ish. We had so many differences in the way we wanted to run a household, and that took a toll on us. It still does, honestly. I will honestly say that marriage hasn't been hard, but it does have hardships (more on that later). We struggled really badly that year with who should do what household chores, what money went to what, spending habits, and the best ways to show each other we cared. I remember some of the arguments we had that turned into screaming matches, and I can't imagine why our neighbors weren't worried something else might be going on. We love so deeply that when we get upset, it's hard to control what comes out of our mouths or how. We have that in common, which is probably a terrible personality trait to share. Our biggest difference in opinion that year was when we should talk about taking the next step and getting engaged. I thought I was ready, he knew he was not. Turns out, I was definitely on the wrong side of that argument. I'll never judge anyone for how they live their lives, but 19 was not the year for us. We were too young, too different, and too naive. Dakota knew that, probably because he had a wonderful support system in his family, and that was not something I'd had for a long time. I still look back and think that the reason I pushed so hard for a ring was because he was the only family I had. My reasoning then was, "If you know you're going to marry me, why not just do it? What's the point of waiting?" Spoiler alert: there are SO MANY points to waiting. If you want to hear more about that, send me a message. I can tell you all about how handling money as a couple is much harder than it seems, running a household the way you both want is SO hard, and making adult decisions is really heartbreaking at 19 when all you want to do is go back to high school.
One of the things I am most thankful for when it comes to Dakota and our years together is that he waited until he knew the time was right to ask me to marry him and for us to start that big adventure (ya know, life) together. If we had gotten married when I thought I was ready, I can assure you we wouldn't be in the same place we are today. Moral of the story: I have the best husband out there, and it's really sad for everyone else because I snagged him up quick.
No, but really the moral of this long, drawn out post is that your time will come and it will never be the same story as someone else's. Marrying the person you dated in 7th grade isn't the norm, and I know that. Not everyone gets lucky and picks the diamond out of the haystack (haystack being podunk Missouri in this case), but your person is out there. Everyone's is. Don't give up, don't stop putting yourself out there, and for the love of Pete, don't change for anyone besides yourself. You are the only thing that is guaranteed.
-K
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